Why Is It Hard To Control Anger?
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Why Is It Hard To Control Anger?
We have seen many tips to control our anger: doing exercise, avoiding alcohol, caffeine, and other substances, sleeping adequately, avoiding certain people, taking deep breaths, meditating, etc.
Do all these work? No... Not at all.
I am a person who meditates, exercises, doesn’t take alcohol, drugs, or cigars, drinks only ginger tea twice a day, sleeps well, and practices breathing exercises. Yet, anger still finds its way.
The Real Reason Behind Anger
The only reason for anger is people and our unresolved issues from the past. People say, “Let it go.” Is it that easy? No...
We can't let go of the pain of heartbreaks. We can’t let go of constantly facing failure in life. We can't let go when people betray us. We can't let go when the person we love shows more concern for others. We can't let go of the guilt buried inside us.
We might feel we are getting angry at the present moment, but it's not so. There is a strong bitter connection with the person or situation that triggered our anger. It’s not always directly linked to the current problem—there’s a deeper cause behind it.
Example:
Imagine two friends or siblings playing carrom. One doesn’t know the rules and refuses to accept them when explained. The other gets angry and says, “It’s my mistake to play with someone who doesn’t know the rules.” Then a fight bursts out.
Here, the anger stems from two things:
- The opponent’s ignorance
- The unstable relationship between the two
The Concept of Duality
This universe is filled with the concept of duality: day and night, sun and moon, good and bad, right and wrong, left and right, up and down. Every person has some negative traits.
We can always run or avoid the situation or person. But if we start accepting imperfections, slowly anger and irritability will go away.
Understanding Emotions
When I came across Buddha’s concept of not getting bothered about anything, I used to get angry. We are humans—we must have emotions. If we don’t feel or express ourselves, we become like machines.
But now I understand the meaning behind it. We must have every emotion, but it should be shown in a positive and healthy way.
If temperature increases or decreases too much, it can lead to illness. Similarly, if emotions are not balanced, they can disturb mental health.
Healthy Expression
We can experience anger, hatred, and jealousy, but we should express them in a way that doesn’t harm others or ourselves. It’s okay if others are bad—we should not be like them. We have to be unique.
Read More:
Questioning Ancient Wisdom: A Modern Woman’s View on Charaka Samhita’s Gender Bias
Why Charaka Samhita Advises Against Treating Incurable Diseases
The Hidden Secrets of Ashtavarka Herbs: Ancient Wisdom the World Forgot
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